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Lingering in ways you might not expect.

Childhood trauma leaves traces. Perhaps it feels like a lifetime ago but trauma lays buried deep within not only our subconscious but also our physical body. Over time, it becomes stored in our DNA and passed down to future generations. Yes- you can inherit trauma! Who would have thought right?

The recent discovery of epigenetics has scientifically proven that we carry the trauma of our ancestors deep within our DNA. So, perhaps that irrational fear of heights or deep water that you have is not so irrational after all.

The body always remembers, even when the conscious mind doesn’t. Whether…

When personality disorders become fashionable.

Everyone and their dog seems to be a narcissist these days. The term gets thrown about so much you’d be forgiven for thinking that it’s an adjective. It rolls off the millennial tongue so readily you might not even realize it's actually a serious mental disorder. Neither did I initially.

Like most people, the first time I heard the term I immediately thought of a vain, arrogant, halfwit whose favorite pronoun is ‘I’. I now know that’s an extremely superficial understanding at best.

Language naturally develops and shifts over time. New buzzwords are quickly adopted into everyday use. …

Feel more authentic and shine naturally.

I’m a people pleaser and I didn’t even know it. I thought that being nice and agreeing with others was all part of building relationships and making friends. And while being nice is a part of making friends, it shouldn’t be at the expense of your own mental health.

I now know that people-pleasing is a trauma response stemming back to my traumatic childhood.

People pleasing comes in all forms and stops you from truly growing mentally and emotionally. In the world of trauma response, it’s known as fawning. People with the ‘fawn’ response find it difficult to be their…

When it’s time to detox your social circle

It’s said that we are the sum of the five closest people to us. Your five closest friends will ultimately influence and shape who you are — and more importantly who you will become. People have a huge impact on our lives.

Life is a process of evolution and with each phase, we hone and refine who we are. It comes as no surprise that the friends you made during your teens are probably not the same people you would be drawn to today.

As we mature and progress through life our interests and values naturally change. We are supposed…

Effective tips for lasting growth.

There’s something about an authentically confident person that inspires awe and admiration in us. We want to be like them. Something akin to a star-like quality — we hope it rubs off on us too. Somehow by osmosis, we hope it will become our baseline too.

True inner confidence is not as common as one would think. It’s that quality that most strive for but is often just out of reach. It can be bluffed but generally, if you don’t have it — it shows.

Contrary to popular belief confidence is not something we’re born with however it is a…

How to mediate with difficult people.

Have you ever had to deal with an incredibly difficult individual? Perhaps it was a work colleague that made your life hell? Or maybe even a family member?

You’re not alone.

If you’ve ever had the misfortune to have to deal with a high conflict individual you’ll know just how stressful it can be. They can make what should be a resolvable situation into a living nightmare. Their love of drama and confrontation will make you lose the will to live.

You end up wishing you’d never met them. They love nothing more than a good argument and if they…

The long term effects of psychological intimidation

Going through the anguish of being stalked is a nightmare I wouldn’t wish on anyone. It can leave the victim in a permanent state of unease and hypervigilance. Looking over your shoulder and longing for the good old days becomes frighteningly normal for most.

It’s no surprise that its impact leaves many long-term and extremely hard to overcome consequences. Many may never fully recover from it.

Stalking is born out of a need for control over the other person. The majority of stalkers are known to the victim. Typically they are ex-partners or unwanted love interests. Stalking is the domain…

Not what you might expect

I have the misfortune to say that I've slept with more than one narcissist. Yes, I know I should have learned my lesson the first time round but the school of hard knocks has always been my preferred route of choice.

I always looked for the good in people, made excuses for their crappy behavior, and naively presumed they too shared the same outlook on life. This is what lead me to encounter more than one narcissistic lover in my lifetime.

What I can say is that it taught me how to accurately predict how a relationship or ‘situationship’ as…

How to find the right help specific to you.

I've seen a total of three different therapists in my life. I had hoped to gain some insight into my own personal struggles and why nothing about my past experiences seemed to make any sense. With each one, I placed enormous expectations thinking and hoping that they would somehow ‘put me right’ and cure me of my woes.

Yet, I always came away feeling like something was missing. Although it was comforting and reassuring to talk to someone I never quite felt that they really truly got me.

I felt like I was always striving to make myself understood which…

How I overcame resistance to religion

I hail from the land of ‘Saints and Scholars — aka Catholic Ireland. Most would assume that religion is an ingrained part of daily life there. And from a glance, it does appear so. Churches and cathedrals dominate the skyline. Crosses decorate every corner, and phrases such as “God bless you” roll off the tongue of elders.

Yet, despite this, there was a distinct lack of faith among the youth that I knew and associated with. It was almost embarrassing or ‘uncool’ to be seen at mass on a Sunday. …

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